Tidying Series - Fighting Imposter Syndrome
I’m back with another post about decluttering and organizing!
This session was particularly meaningful to me because I was assisting a wonderful client I will call Mrs. Lamb. I have known Mrs. Lamb for a long time. Over three decades, in fact! She is a wonderful researcher, very kind, and very relaxed as a person. All of these characteristics make her a delightful client to work with. And yet, I still panicked when I walked into her kitchen. Not because of the kitchen itself, but because of my fears of inadequacy.
The following reactions played themselves in a continuous loop at high-speed in my head:
“What should I do?! I don’t know where to start!”
“What if she doesn’t like how I’ve organized everything and ends up hating me?”
Fortunately, I am now experienced enough to know that this blind panic will subside once I actually begin to work. I’ve also discovered three key ideas that help me move along if I’m anxious during the session.
Tips & Tricks to Conquer Imposter Syndrome:
1. Ask the Client Where They Want to Start
This tip seems very obvious in hindsight. Of course you should solicit the client’s input. You are literally organizing their house. Their knowledge of their personal organization systems is key! But when I walk into a new situation with a new person staring down at me, it is so easy to put all the expectations on myself. I have to figure out the perfect place to put their socks, spoons, action figure paraphernalia, ad infinitum. This is very silly because people generally already know where they want things. They simply need my help decluttering so that they actually have the space to put their beloved items where they need them to go.
Will there eventually be a client who doesn’t know or doesn’t want to choose where to start? Absolutely. But most everyone knows where the trouble spots are in relation to their possessions. Even if they don’t know where to put their socks, they do know they want to start with the pile of sock bunnies that have rolled themselves under the armchair.
Example:
Before I even stepped foot into Mrs. Lamb’s house, I asked about which area she wanted to focus most of our efforts on. She decided she needed the most help in the kitchen. This kitchen is not particularly large, and I have been inside it several times before. But I was still overwhelmed when I stepped inside for our first session. To help give us direction, I asked where specifically in the kitchen she wanted to start. Mrs. Lamb chose one kitchen drawer so we decluttered that drawer, rearranged the items left inside, then moved on to the next. By the time we reached the second drawer, my anxiety had eased a considerable amount. I knew what to do and how to do it. All I needed to do was direct our focus one space at a time.
2. Decluttering Fixes a Multitude of Organizing Problems
I have seen this time and time again. When a drawer is out of control, often it is because there are simply too many objects in that space. A simple solution? Declutter!
Decluttering helps you identify which items are no longer serving your right-now-life. Obviously, there are things we keep like contracts and holiday decorations that are not useful right at this very moment. But right-now-life forces encourages the client to carefully go through each item and consider how it ranks with their current priorities and standards.
Decluttering also helps you see items that might still be useful in your life but aren’t ones you actually use or like. Like a spoon that has a pointy spot that feels weird on your tongue because someone (not you, of course) accidentally ran it through the garbage disposal. When you choose to keep your favorite spoons first (it’s okay, we all have them), letting go of your least favorite is easier. This is also why it’s a great idea to declutter yearly. When we check in with our possessions, it helps reorient us on where we want to go next in life.
By the end of our session together, I didn’t even have to say anything when Mrs. Lamb asked my opinion on whether or not she should keep a questionable item. I just made a particular face, and she would laugh, knowing what I would suggest. Declutter!
Example:
In one cabinet, Mrs. Lamb and I discovered 6 matchboxes that had (most likely) been purchased for boy scout outings 10 years ago. With no children currently in the house, Mrs. Lamb only needs one box of matches, not six. Decluttering gives the drawer (and us!) a reality check on what is actually in the space and gives us room for things needed for this current life stage.
3. I’m Not Here to Judge What People Decide to Keep
This tip also seems like a no-brainer. Unfortunately, many people have experienced judgement when they open up about clutter problems or want help deciding whether or not to keep something. As someone who helps people declutter, that is the very last thing I want to do! My job to support during clients in the difficult act of letting go. If they say no even when I subjectively believe they don’t need it, we don’t declutter that object. It’s as simple as that.*
Unfortunately, many people—particularly friends and family—often want to argue with the client about whether or not to keep or declutter an object. I know. I’ve been the one arguing about what to declutter! But at the end of the day, it’s okay to keep something that seems weird to other people. I, myself, am very weird and keep weird things such as empty cardboard boxes. Why? Because I like their shape. Weird? Yes! Allowable to keep? Also yes! As long as I have space for and keep them organized, these boxes can stay in my home.
*A hoarding situation which is hazardous to physical and mental health is beyond the scope of this blog post.
Example:
Mrs. Lamb had a lovely cake display stand. The kind that is made of etched glass with pretty patterns. My gremlin eye immediately fastened on it, delighting in its beauty. But to Mrs. Lamb it just took up space in her kitchen. She wasn’t bringing cakes to other people. And if she made one for her family, she certainly wouldn’t use a heavy glass stand. I, personally, would have kept this beautiful piece, but in her home her needs and space take precedence. Off it went!
Final Comments:
The specifics of this post may not be applicable to many (or even most!) readers, but what is useful is the method of discovering your specifics. First, you have to try something new. Something you may want to do but have been putting off because you won’t be perfect at it. Second, you need to observe. How did you feel during this situation? What were your struggles? How did you overcome them if they were overcome? Third, you start the cycle all over again! Only by actively pursuing something can we start the cycle of finding ways to fight our imposter syndrome. And finally, most very importantly, remember we’re not here for perfection. Better is always, well, better!