Moving On
I have recently said goodbye to the state of Virginia and trucked myself back down to my birth state. Anyone who has ever moved knows it’s a great deal of work. There’s the actual moving part of moving where you pay to haul your own stuff across state lines. A joy, to be sure. Then there’s the emotional moving where you have to say goodbye to friends, family, and coworkers. Whether you’re happy to move or not, all of these things come with a lot of emotional complication.
As a result, I decided to dump it all here to help me sort everything out. That and a certain friend mine said it would be very nice to be able to keep up with me via the blog which has been rather neglected of late…
Good Feels:
Cohesive House Schedule & Communication - Anyone who can read between the lines will know that I like control. I like to know what’s expected of me, when things are going to happen, and the amount of time it will take for those things to happen. In short, I am very like my mother. The day I arrived at my parents’ home, she suggested we start a family calendar in order to communicate different schedules. Fiends, I nearly cried from happiness.
Renewing Longtime Friendships - I was born and raised in South Carolina which means the majority of my childhood friends still live here. As much as I love interacting over messaging apps (this is not sarcasm as I do love a good text), I miss physically interacting with people I’ve known for a long time. There’s less awkwardness due to this simple fact. If they’ve stayed my friend for this long, they’re mostly enured to my own specific brand of weirdness. That or they’re absolutely just as weird in their own way. In either case, I’m looking forward to seeing everyone more often. Hopefully it’s mutual!
SC is cheaper! - I know Virginia isn’t the most expensive state to live in, but boy golly is it more expensive than South Carolina! I’m enjoying cheaper gas, food, and services. Hopefully, it won’t correspond to a smaller paycheck as well…
Rural Area - The area I live in is located in a more rural location. This means less traffic which in turn equals less noise! As someone who has hearing sensitivities, this is a huge relief. Less fortunately, the area around here has become a focal point for builders. The roads have steadily filled with fewer trees and way more apartment complexes and townhomes. I’m still more than content with the area I’m in, but I think I might look further afield if I can ever afford a place of my own some day.
Separate Living Spaces - In my last home, all the living spaces were smushed together upstairs on one side of the house. This house has the master bedroom on the first floor while I’m on the second. There’s even a little gaming room upstairs where I’ve set up my writing desk. The extra distance keeps my I’m-surrounded-by-too-many-people hives at bay.
Gardening - I’m sure I will loathe the very thought of a garden next year, but for now having a dedicated gardening space to try out lots of random seeds has me so damn excited I feel like a cat doing zoomies. My local library has a ‘Seed Store’ where you get to check out (permanently) seed packets of varying kinds. Huzzah for free seeds! I have a sneaking suspicion most of my seedlings won’t grow. (I was always the one in class that didn’t get seeds in my grow cup.) But this is a great (and free!) experiment to see what I’m able to grow. And let’s face it, fiends. Those people who research how important nature is to the human psyche know what they’re talking about.
Bad Feels:
Expectations and Feeling Like a Failure - I’m struggling with expectations and/or the feeling of failure of coming back to live with my parents. They’re also retired so they’re at home. All. The. Time.
Solution: Continuing to remind myself that my self-worth does not equal a certain job, position, or lifestyle. Also, taking small steps toward self-sufficiency really keeps the hounds at bay!
People Visiting - I have extended family that live in the nearby area. My parents are invested in having them over. Which is great…for them. For me, who is used to one party a year, the revolving front door is a difficult adjustment.
Solution: A mixture of things, really. Getting out of the house for at least a few hours either for an errand or something fun gives me enough mental fortitude to handle visitors during the rest of their stay. The family calendar also helps me anticipate their arrival so it doesn’t come as a surprise.
Job Hunting - You’d think having been in this situation numerous times before that I would be cool, calm, and collected. You would be wrong. It’s stressful not having income flowing in even when your housing situation is stable. I also hate job searching and resume writing. My weakness is self-advocation and this pushes all my anxiety/stress buttons!
Solution: On-going training. I’m actually way more experienced than I used to be, but each time I encounter a new situation that calls for these skills, my anxiety ratchets right back to the top again.
Money is tight. See above.
Being Queer in the South - Due to a certain election and living in the South, being queer has greater physical and social perils. Up in Virginia, reactions to my queerness was either people not giving a fuck or being very supportive. Down here…I’m more than a little concerned about people’s reactions. Much of my family and friends are not supportive on the basis of religious reasons as well. So it leads me to feeling rather isolated.
Solution: Making connections in established queer communities.
New Routines - For better or worse we are creatures of habit. My INF capacity for exploration is very excited about this all this new territory I get to poke around in. My desire for old patterns and familiarity, however, is very much unimpressed. I miss the familiarity of living with My Twin, the personalities of my coworkers, and knowing I can show up to my writing group and bitch about writing stupid blog posts. Now I have to start from scratch. Or worse, with people who have a skewed perspective of who I used to be as a younger, less experienced person.
Solution: One day at a time. Habits happen slowly and even old habits were new at some point.
Are any of these issues insurmountable? Of course not. But I need to be intentional about adding good habits, moving forward step-by-step in hard tasks, and taking time for hobbies that delight and energize me. And that’s why I wrote all of this up. It gets out of my head and let’s me see that none of these problems will be the death of me (probably). Not only that but I also have experience in dealing in some manner with each. Now I can more or less calmly apply that experience in each situation.
Is there anything, new or old, that you’re struggling with this week? Why not try writing out the problem like I did? Even if a solution doesn’t jump out and bite you, getting the muddle out of your head can give your poor brain a break. And trust me. Our brains need all the help they can get during times of stress.
Until next time!